MOTIVATION | ON CONFIDENCE

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We spend a lot of time talking about some really inspirational people every week, but we don’t spend nearly enough time talking about the incredible women who work here at The Select 7. We have a (very) small but mighty crew who keep things running, and as is the general rule with most girl gangs, we often find ourselves discussing some serious stuff about life, love and — most importantly — confidence. Because as humans, it’s one of the greatest struggles we all face: how do we gain it, how do we measure it, how do we hold on to it when life feels like it might be working against you. And because we’re all about sharing, we wanted to spread our insights and our musings on confidence and we hope you’ll share yours with us, too.


Pamela Schein Murphy, Founder + Creative Director
“I’ve always struggled with confidence — which is to say that I’m actually pretty insecure. But I think having kids has helped me enormously because I really need to be my best self in front of them, and I also want them to grow up feeling comfortable and secure in their own skins, so it doesn't leave a lot of room for my own crap.”

Dylan Grace Essertier, Editorial Director
“A mistake or mean comment has been known to crush me, so recently I’ve been trying to be better about remembering that beating myself up just isn’t helpful. To focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses and what I’m grateful for instead of what I don’t have. I’m also a big list person. I like to make lists of my accomplishments so I have something to turn to when I’m having a particularly tough day.”

Holly Wilkinson Parmelee, Editor-At-Large
“If you are going to be a champion, you must be willing to pay a greater price.” - Bud Wilkinson
“I grew up hearing a lot of sports metaphors about hard work and confidence which is ironic as I never played a team sport in my life. My grandfather, Bud Wilkinson, was a successful college football coach and he would ask his team each year “How good do you want to be?” and then he would say “It’s up to YOU”. My father (an All-American football player) was really big on the idea of preparation. He constantly told me I could do ANYTHING as long as I worked hard and prepared. He would always praise me for the effort and preparation rather than the actual accomplishment. He would say, “Everyone wants to win on game day when the fans are cheering and the flags are flying. But the champions are the ones who are willing to pay the price of hard work. And there are not many of them.

While I was relatively confident growing up, I found that my confidence really grew when I forced myself to do things I was not comfortable with – like presenting at a meeting in front of hundreds of people. When I would get promoted, instead of being thrilled I would think, “What are they doing? I’m a fraud. I can’t do this.” But then I would take a deep breath and remind myself that I could. I was willing to do the hard work. I was willing to pay the price to be successful, which really meant making sacrifices for what I wanted to achieve. Inevitably, the harder I worked the more success I found and the more confident I became. And that’s what I tell my kids now. If you want something you can have it, but you have to be willing to pay the price. That’s what confidence is: earning something for yourself and knowing that no one can take that away from you.”

Stephanie Stanley, Photographer
“These days confidence to me is walking out of the house wearing your new favorite dress, with your shoulders back, feeling good, confident, like your old-self maybe. You run into an old friend and colleague, chat for a moment and continue through the neighborhood. You then look down to find that your daughter smeared some mysterious slime (is it banana? Snot? Milk?) on your fabulous new dress while giving her a kiss goodbye. You wipe it off with that random scrap of paper towel in your bag (cause you’re a mom now and you have that sort of thing in every bag you own) and decide that you’re still fucking fabulous because you’re a good mom, kick-ass at your job and you still look good in that new dress.”

Daphne Youree, Photographer
“Some are born with confidence, most have to develop and nurture it. I was not always confident and not sure I always am now. But I do have moments where I feel it and allow myself to accept it. It’s really a privilege to feel confident and should never be taken for granted. Age has definitely nurtured it for me, having children has humbled and empowered me! I also have learned to self validate instead of looking for outside validation.”

Nell Blagg, Social Media Manager
“I feel most confident in a vintage two piece ensemble from @deepbluevintage it fits my body to perfection and I've had nothing but the best days and nights in it from the second I shimmied into it one summer at my favorite shop in Montauk.

I also feel most confident when I'm with my nieces. They are little sponges for information and I love teaching them about the luxuries of life like turning on your twinkle lights and popping open an ice cold bottle of champagne at the end of a long day full of work. Obviously they are popping ice cold ginger ale BUT they will certainly sip it down in style and feel fancy and that they deserve that tasty treat. I can see myself in their little eyes and am proud of the women I am both to them and to myself and that's the best feeling.  

I feel least confident at the grocery store! I love how organized they are but feel completely overwhelmed if I don't go in with a plan for basically each and every meal. One of my new year’s resolutions one year was to shop more like my Uncle Paul who always manages to get everything you could ever want for any incredibly delicious homemade meal complete with fun stuff like cookie dough and popcorn. He's also in and out in five minutes whereas I would be there having a minor panic attack for hours.”

Jessica Schupack, West Coast Editor
“Confidence to me is about trusting yourself. Letting go of the fear (anxieties) about what ‘could happen’ and just staying present knowing that whatever may come, you can handle it. As I've gotten older I use this method — I evaluate the things that are holding me back and if fear is the only thing, I must do it. And to be honest, it gets easier each time. It's been really liberating (and effective)!”